I have credit cards now .. I'm officially dangerous.

I've ordered two tshirts from amazon.com but you'll have to wait till I get them to see them. I'll model them haha.

Medusainary
Knat:
The past tense of Knit. eg she knat the scarf.

So on Sunday night we went to the Ed, David ... I mean Cleo was doing a show with a bunch of other queens. SHE WAS GREAT!! I screamed until I was horse ... hoarse ... my throat hurt. It was great apart from when one of Annie's friends passed out, hope she's ok. After the Ed, we went to the Mars bar, they were having a uniform party. I wore my dad's army pants and shirt open with my talk to the hand t-shirt under it, I had the arms rolled up and my retro sunglasses on. I was the shit.

There were 3 girls there who were pretty much naked. One of them had a pair of hot pants on, a thick army belt and suspenders ... that's all. The second one had some weird ass top on which fastened at the front with clips, of course she kept undoing them. The third girl had army pants on and no top, she was painted up with blobs of brown and green paint. They were *ahem* interesting. Cleo won the best costume for the drag queens, she was fantastic.

After the show, we went to get a drink and while I was waiting at the bar the woman next to me decided she'd start a conversation ... between her hand and my ass. Then she actually spoke. She said that people down here look so much better than people in Darwin where she's from and she had decided that it was because we were much happier. She said she just had to tell someone and I just happened to be there. I said I was happy to be of service.

I got home at about 4 and debated staying up and going to the dawn service. PAH!! stupid idea of course, I went to sleep.

HOLY SHIT I JUST FOUND THE BEST SITE EVER!!!!

80'S T-SHIRTS!!!

Fortune cookies are asian right?

So why then did I get the following fortune:

Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you - Meori proverb.

For those of you not in the know, Maori's are native new zealanders, like our aboriginals.

Now you might wonder why I'm eating fortune cookies and normall it would be just because I feel like it, but this time I actually have a purpose. I'm trying to find two really good fortunes for a piece of writing I'm doing. I've eaten 13 since yesterday and some how I still managed to weigh in a kilo lighter than usual this morning. I guess they're not that bad for you. I do rather enjoy a good fortune cookie. Both for the cookies AND the fortune.

I've just finished watching Forest Gump and now I'm watching I Am Sam. Sean Penn really is quite good in this film. I want to be an actor so I can make people cry. Inflicting physical pain gets old after a while and it's certainly lost its spark for me.

So I had this dream last night. We were at Vicki's house, we being Vicki, myself, Adam, Hayley and David and few people I didn't recognise. Anyway, we were getting high on spliffs in Vicki's room by the window. She was on the computer and her mum was doing the ironing over in the corner. Then Vicki decided that she'd try smoking a blunt. So she stuck it in the mouth and I tried to light a match for her. After 3 attempts it worked and then her mum freaked out and came over. Vicki wasn't sure how her mum even knew what we were doing over by the window. I said that you can't really s mell it when you're smoking, so it's more obvious to other people and Vicki thought I was talking about how she has a reduced sense of smell.

So then everyone disappeared and for some reason Vicki had two older brothers who showed up. One was in a dog costume, which we commandeered and went out to entertain kids. Why, I will never know. Anyway the next thing I know I'm waking up in Vicki's bed and I knew I had to go to work, so I went and had a shower and thought to myself "I'm naked in vicki's bathroom". Then Vicki got in some how, even though I'd locked the door and she was creeping toward the shower, in order to kill me, ala psycho I expect. Then her brothers burst in and she turned to them and said "shhh, you'll frighten her" ala Steve Irwin. Naturally I screamed and tried to protect my dignity with the shower curtain.

I'm pretty sure that's when I woke up. Interesting huh?

Has everyone determined their action plot?

My mother just came in and woke me up ... my first though was "OH GOD, I'M LATE FOR WORK, I FORGET TO SET MY ALARM!!!" Then she said, it's 2 o'clock and I was relieved. And by that I don't mean that I pissed in my bed.

So last night, David threw me a birthday party as my birthday is tomorrow. We all got pissed ... and stuff. I will now entertain you with various quotes and happenings from last night's festivities:

"You know what the floor usually looks like? Well I can't even imagine what that is right now."

"I believe David is trying to converse,"

So I got this beer and I'd taken my keys out of my pocket so I didn't have my bottle opener on me and neither did David. "Luckily" Andrew had a multitool which he got off thinkgeek.com. I asked him to throw it to me and he did, very quickly and it hit me in the middle of the forehead. We laughed and then I tried to open the bottles with it (I had two because David was having a beer also). I managed to slice my finger open with this bottle opener from hell. I asked David to get me a bandaid and he ran off and didn't return for some minutes. Then Jacqui ran after him and came back with 4.

I RAN out the door, fell over and took a layer of skin off my knee ... on the upside, my jeans are fine!

That's all I can remember currently. I had 6 or 7 beers a fruit tingle and a chanpagne. I felt fairly ill this morning, so I came home. Now, I had some sort of FUCKED up dream. I dreamed that I was still in school and there was some sort of bus that was special on that particular day that I was supposed to get on. I don't know how I was supposed to get to the place where this bus was, but my dad ended up dropping me off there. I was supposed to meet 4 other people there, 3 of them were there already and one of them was someone from work ... I have NO idea why they were there because they definately wouldn't have been in school. So we're standing there and this weird ass bus/plane goes past, it's sort of twirling around and around and undulating. Then there was some conversation and I was woken up.

Thankfully I woke up feeling MUCH better, but I could really go some hungry jacks, a nice greasy burger would really hit the spot. The problem is getting there to get it. I'm gonna go check my lotto numbers now, I'll blog again should I win.

Last minute birthday suggestion HERE!!

Ok, so Vicki and I just got home from seeing a play called Under Milk Wood, it was alright. Everyone had accents and more than one, so that was interesting. Some of them weren't very good at this mind you. On the way home we got subway and then when we got back to Vicki's place we went for a jaunt accross the oval ... such fun it was.

Tonight Vicki met my alter ego, Sophistokirsty. It was a rather brief meeting how ever. The word for today is Vaginacologist ... look it up.

LAME! LAAAAAAAAAAME!!! The comments appear to be broken and I don't know why. It's not like I've changed anything.

Anyway, we just got some new fish. We got two platies which I named Bonnie and Clyde, two female guppies which I named Connie and Carla and a small shark which we've name Macgyver ... isn't that just the most fitting name for a shark!!

What's the deal guys? No one's commenting this month. Or are the comments not working?

This is the most important month of the year for gods sake. You should all be commenting like mad, MAD I TELL YOU! Someone leave me a comment so I know it's working =OD.

Ok, I've come up with suggestions for my birthday presents, for those of you who are stuck. There's this author I wanna have a read of ... the library doesn't have the book of his I want. His name is Garrison Keillor and the book I want is called a prairie home companion ... other than that there is of course stargate stuff ... anything is welcome. =O)

... I wrote a play.

Yeah I know, I shit my pants when I found out too.

Anyway, I'm stealing this from Carly's blog, Im not sure if I've got the right idea, but who cares, I'm gonna do it anyway. The bolded books are the ones I've read and the last is the one I'm currently reading:

#1 The Bible
#2 Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
#3 Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes
#4 The Koran
#5 Arabian Nights
#6 Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
#7 Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan Swift
#8 Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer
#9 Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
#10 Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
#11 Prince by Niccol Machiavelli
#12 Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe
#13 Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank
#14 Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
#15 Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
#16 Les Misrables by Victor Hugo
#17 Dracula by Bram Stoker
#18 Autobiography by Benjamin Franklin
#19 Tom Jones by Henry Fielding
#20 Essays by Michel de Montaigne
#21 Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
#22 History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire by Edward Gibbon
#23 Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy
#24 Origin of Species by Charles Darwin
#25 Ulysses by James Joyce
#26 Decameron by Giovanni Boccaccio
#27 Animal Farm by George Orwell
#28 Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell
#29 Candide by Voltaire
#30 To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
#31 Analects by Confucius
#32 Dubliners by James Joyce
#33 Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
#34 Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway
#35 Red and the Black by Stendhal
#36 Capital by Karl Marx
#37 Flowers of Evil by Charles Baudelaire
#38 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
#39 Lady Chatterley's Lover by D. H. Lawrence
#40 Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
#41 Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser
#42 Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
#43 Jungle by Upton Sinclair
#44 All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque
#45 Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx
#46 Lord of the Flies by William Golding
#47 Diary by Samuel Pepys
#48 Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway
#49 Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy
#50 Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
#51 Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak
#52 Critique of Pure Reason by Immanuel Kant
#53 One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey
#54 Praise of Folly by Desiderius Erasmus
#55 Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
#56 Autobiography of Malcolm X by Malcolm X
#57 Color Purple by Alice Walker
#58 Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger
#59 Essay Concerning Human U nderstanding by John Locke
#60 Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
#61 Moll Flanders by Daniel Defoe
#62 One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
#63 East of Eden by John Steinbeck
#64 Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
#65 I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
#66 Confessions by Jean Jacques Rousseau
#67 Gargantua and Pantagruel by Franois Rabelais
#68 Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes
#69 The Talmud
#70 Social Contract by Jean Jacques Rousseau
#71 Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
#72 Women in Love by D. H. Lawrence
#73 American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser
#74 Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler
#75 Separate Peace by John Knowles
#76 Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
#77 Red Pony by John Steinbeck
#78 Popol Vuh
#79 Affluent Society by John Kenneth Galbraith
#80 Satyricon by Petronius
#81 James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
#82 Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
#83 Black Boy by Richard Wright
#84 Spirit of the Laws by Charles de Secondat Baron de Montesquieu
#85 Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut
#86 Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
#87 Metaphysics by Aristotle
#88 Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder
#89 Institutes of the Christian Religion by Jean Calvin
#90 Steppenwolf by Hermann Hesse
#91 Power and the Glory by Graham Greene
#92 Sanctuary by William Faulkner
#93 As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
#94 Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin
#95 Sylvester and the Magic Pebble by William Steig
#96 Sorrows of Young Werther by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
#97 General Introduction to Psychoanalysis by Sigmund Freud
#98 Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
#99 Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee by Dee Alexander Brown
#100 Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
#101 Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman by Ernest J. Gaines
#102 Amile by Jean-Jacques Rousseau
#103 Nana by Amile Zola
#104 Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
#105 Go Tell It on the Mountain by James Baldwin
#106 Gulag Archipelago by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
#107 Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein
#108 Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Peck
#109 Ox-Bow Incident by Walter Van Tilburg Clark
#110 Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
#111 War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
#112 The Charterhouse of Parma by Stendhal
#113 The Voyage of the Beagle by Charles Darwin
#114 Anna Karenina by Leo T olstoy
#145 Which Lie Did I Tell by William Golding

I think I need to read more books ... any suggestions?

ok guys, time for some more funny. Here's some pictures of funny signs:

These are all from this website:

Signs of Life

Just incase you guys come accross an Anaconda in your travels, which we all know is highly likely in Australia, here is what to do:

1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run. The snake is faster than you are.

2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight against your sides, your legs tight against one another.

3. Tuck your chin in.

4. The snake will begin to nudge and climb over your body.

5. Do not panic.

6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to swallow you from the feet end - always from the feet end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and ankles. Do not panic!

7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its body. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time.

8. When the snake has reached your knees slowly and with as little movement as possible, reach down, take your knife and very gently slide it into the side of the snake's mouth between the edge of its mouth and your l eg, then suddenly rip upwards, severing the snake's head.

9. Be sure you have your knife.

10. Be sure your knife is sharp.

Welcome to April people, the wonderous month of my birth!!! Also I believe I'm coming up on a year of Nakedmedusa.com (the domain name that is, not the whole website).

So first point of order for this month is the funny searches. I know you guys wait ALL month for them, so here they are:

amanda tapping hands over tits by stargate (If anyone finds this one, please let me know ... *cough*)
schphincter (god I love that word)
pepsi can pops out of a pussy (What would a cat want with a can of pepsi?)
naked spongebob.com (This raises the question of what sponge bob would look like naked)
little red riding whore (SOMEONE'S LOOKING FOR MY STORY!!!!)

Ok, so this month it is my birthday and for once I don't really have a list of things that I want, so if in doubt, give me money!! or fame, fame would be good. Not the movie that is, because I already have that on DVD, but I mean fame as in famous.