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A letter to Mr Lucas
May 20, 2005 8:17 AM

Dear Mr Lucas,

Congratulations on managing to fuck us in the ass for a third time running. How does it feel? Chaffing yet?

Having said that, I did enjoy your movie. The story sucked, it's like you had all this stuff to do in your allotted time and you did about half of it, then you thought "aw shit, I have all this other stuff to do and only about 5 minutes to do it in ... I could do another movie ... fuck it, I'll just cram it all in these 5 minutes, it'll be fine!". So congratulations again on making half a great movie, surely you could have done "Star Wars 3.5:All the other stuff I didn't put in the last one".

Now I know you're planning to make a TV show and all that, but from what I gather the TV show will be about the minor characters (OH PLEASE LET IT BE THE WOOKIES PLEASE!!!!), so this wouldn't help at all with things left out of this, your final movie in the Star Wars saga. If you ask me, it's time for 7, 8 and 9. Here are some suggested titles:

Star Wars:I Need More Money to Build a Bigger Pool
Star Wars:The Mafia Has my Child
Star Wars:The One Where JarJar Binks' Tonue is Cut Out and Everyone is Happy
Star Wars:The Nursing Home Strikes Back
Star Wars:The Incontinence Years
Star Wars:NIPPLES!

About this TV show ... as you may have noticed in one of my previous posts I fancy myself to be a candidate to play a jedi ... assuming you will actually be having Jedi in your TV show. Now, I would be more than happy to relocate to where ever you are shooting (I believe you're considering Sydney, which if you ask me is a top idea. Please tell all your film making friends to come over here and make their magic here with our help of course. We don't make enough international TV here).

Thankyou for making this movie and if you decide to do another one, feel free to contact me in regards to story. Also if you plan to use one of my stupendous titles I expect royalties and lots of them ... or a part in your TV show, either is fine. And I don't mean just a walk on part, I mean a regular character.

Yours Sincerely,

Kirsco

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