A MAN caught "in flagrante delicto" with a goat has been forced to marry the animal. According to the local newspaper, The Juba Post, the goat's owner, a Mr Alifi, caught his neighbour, Mr Tombe, assaulting his goat and reported the man to the local council of elders for adjudication.
"It was around midnight when Tombe came to do his nonsense on my goat, and I was already in bed inside my house," Mr Alifi said.
"Suddenly I heard the goat make a loud noise. Immediately I rushed outside to find Mr Tombe was naked and engaged in a relationship with my goat. " When I asked him what are you doing there, he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up. They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife."
Mr Tombe agreed to pay a dowry of 150,000 Sudanese dinars ($125) for his new spouse.

"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi told the Post.

I bought that coffee machine that I've been talking about for a while and I'm still getting used to it, but I made awesome iced coffee. I know that you're all jealous right now, you're thinking, man, I could really go an iced coffee right now ... TOO BAD!!! Have a great day kids.

God I love coffee ... and later I will love and then hate Hungry Jacks. Last night, I loved beer and cherry Kool-Aid with Vodka. I hope you love me.

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Last night Laura and I went to see Jason do his thing for Raw Comedy. I have to say, I was impressed. He was pretty damn funny. My only worry is what he will do next time, I'm sure he can think of something though.

We went to Noodle Box on Rundle St to get some food and on the way out of the shop I almost crashed into Tom Gleeson. I was so close to yelling "Hey, it's the australian fast bowler!" but I thought that would be annoying, so I didn't =OD.

Yesterday I bought tickets for Carly, Sandy, Vicki and myself to see Split Enz ... I got front row of the back section ... OH YEAH OH YEAH!!! I am a ticket buying god. we have seats 7-10, which puts us near the edge, I think they're good spots. I want something on ice to come to Adelaide ... or do I want to go ice skating? Yeah that's it. Only I want my own ice skates because the ones you hire suck ass and hurt your feet. Skates are about 200 and I have to think to myself am I going to go ice skating often enough to warrant buying them. If I were fitter I'd think about playing ice hockey ... I went to a training thing once, I was ok, but I'm no Wayne Gretsky ... haha, I know people's names. So who wants to go ice skating then?

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Gee Kirsty, who served you today at JB Hi-Fi? I could tell you, but I'll go one better and show you!

That's right kids, it was Buddy Holly!!

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The Wednesday Wankstain is coming a day early this week. The winner? That guy who ran down a bunch of teenagers and killed 6 of them. He was probably drunk at the time and on drugs. A couple of things we do know for sure is that he had hit a tree about 100 metres before the kids, he had his son sitting on his lap and after he did it, he piss bolted. The following in an excerpt from the news article today:

Outside the court, his mother, Jill Wilson, frustrated she had been unable to speak with her son before his brief appearance, expressed the family's sense of remorse. "I'm very sorry. If I could die right now and bring them back I'd totally do it," she told reporters. She said her son's alleged actions had been out of character. "He's a very nice quiet person, a loving boy. He's always been lovely."

They also said that this guy has appeared 8 times since 92 (I'm going to assume that's when he got his licence) in court for loosing his licence ... let's ask ourselves what kind of mother would let her children ride in a car with this guy driving. I hate kids, but I still wouldn't do it. Apparently in court he was sitting there with his head in his hands and his fingers through his hair. Sure I bet he feels like shit, but he has to face up to what he did. I have no sympathy for him, or his family, his mother sounds like a right mole.

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Last night, Sandy, Carly, Tom and I went in to town to see Josh Pyke. When we got there, it was sold out. On the upside, he was playing a few songs for those of us who couldn't get in. He was so cute and it was so sweet of him to do that when he didn't have to.

We decided to head on down to Rymill Park where there was an opening celebration for the Fringe. While we were waiting in the beer line Sandy looked over and spotted some guy, she said "He's famous." I asked her who he was and she said she didn't know and that it was going to bother her all night. So I went over there and said "Excuse me, but my friend over there thinks you're famous, is she right?" It turns out she was right. His name was Nathan Page and he's been in the secret life of us. So we made friends with him and promised to go see his show.

We all decided it was time to go get some desert, so we headed for O'Connel St where we had ourselves an AB and a deep fried mars bar or snickers and then we headed home. Although somewhere during the night we made a stop at a sex shop to have a look around. I had a look for a birthday present for David, but I couldn't find anything good.

This morning I was up at 9, I gave Carly and Tom a 9:30 wake up call and then headed off to the vet with my mum. HAHA, I know what you're thinking, but no, we did take my dog. He has a sore on his paw which he keeps licking so it's not getting better, we have spray stuff to put on it now. Ater that I went and picked up Carly and Tom and we headed off to a garage sale in Parkside. Now I know what you're thinking. There were hundreds of garage sales on today, why did you go all the way out to Parkside. It was a very special garage sale because it was another blogger's. Actually, it was the garage sale of a whole house of bloggers. I picked up a polaroid camera for $8 and a red cocktail shaker for $7, they're both awesome. After that we dropped Tom off and headed to Marion because I wanted to get this bag that Sandy had last night. She had a pink ... I mean watermelon one and I now have a blue one.

When we arrived we had to find a park ... obviously as we were driving. Anyway, we went down this row and there was a car waiting for another one to pull out. Then someone else came to leave, so I chucked on my indicator, claiming the park. Then along comes thisd fancy pants BMW who then tries to claim the park as theirs. Carly and I simultaneously yelled NO really really loud, then I beeped my horn a couple of times and the knew who was boss. So I parked and the first family came over and the dad said "looked like you were going to be beaten by that beamer for a second there" and Carly explaned how we yelled and they thought we were funny. We caught upto them again at the door and the mum said to the dad "careful, you'd better not argue with these girls." Smart woman.

We ended up at Colonnades where we picked up some film for my new toy and then back to Carly's house for an ice block and a play with the camera .... it scared me when it was loading the film, but it turned out ok in the end and we took a couple of photos. Now it's off to bed for a bit of a snooze. Those of you going to sky show, have a good night.

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Now we all know that I hate kids, but here's the skinny on marriage through a kid's head.

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
( 1 ) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.
Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10 -- (He'll never marry)

( 2 ) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kirsten, age 10 -- (I predict she'll marry a 300 pound man who loves god almost as much as she does. Either that or she'll become a dominatrix.)

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
( 1 ) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10 -- (By the time you're 23, we'll all be married to robots)

( 2 ) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
-- Freddie, age 6 (Fuckin' A kid, Fuckin' A.

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
( 1 ) Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8 (They probably didn't want you either)

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE
( 1 ) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. (You've got a lot to learn sweetheart)
-- Lynnette, age 8

( 2 ) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10 (correct child, correct)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
( 1 ) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9 (My dad checks the dead columns everyday, just to make sure he's still alive)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
( 1 ) When they're rich
-- Pam, age 7 (Amen to that!)

( 2 ) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
-- Curt, age 7 (Yeah and besides, you can get pregnant from kissing!!)

( 3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8 (Oh god please no, I don't want to have kids with weird eyes and big noses, what am I saying, I don't want kids at all!)

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
( 1 ) I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.
-- Theodore, age 8 (So you'll be having sex with people who aren't your wife then? Is that not gross?)

( 2 ) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (Single all the way girly, single all the way!)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
( 1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8 (yes, yes there would.)

And the #1 Favourite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

( 1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10 (I'll always think of this now, when my inflateable husband tells me I look pretty, I know I'll really look like a truck.)

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iPod arrived yesterday. OH YEAH!!!! It rocks, it's so shiny and new and I took photos, but I haven't posted them yet. I thought I would take some photos before I put fingerprints all over it. I loaded all my music and then set it on shuffle and the first song it played was Angle by Sarah McLachlan, good choice iPod. I've ordered a clear covering for it which is made of the same stuff that they cover the helicopters with ... I read that somewhere and now I can't find where. Anyway, if you want one, they're here: http://www.shieldzone.com/. They're supposed to be really good. Let's hope so. Maybe they should just MAKE the iPods from this stuff as opposed to shit that scratches in a slight breeze.

With any luck, I may make a start on my xbox mod this weekend, providing I can track down another drawer unit. Might be able get one from a neighbour or something, I'll post pictures when it's done. I might also have to take to it with my can of compressed air. God I love that thing, I can't believe that I've gone my whole life without using one. I think the most satisfying part was blowing the dust out of my power supply, even though it's probably only about a year old, it still had a HEAP of dust in it. I'm not overly looking forward to cutting into my xbox case, but if it must be done, it must be done!

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So I made it through the great cleanup of 2006 without a hitch, no casualties. Except for dust. I pulled the whole thing apart and washed out all the dust from the case. Then I took the best invention EVER and blew all the dust out of the electronics. My new best friend is a can of compressed air. You would not believe the dust this thing blew out. I was AMAZING! It looks so awesomely clean also. Later today I'm going to go looking for a sleeping bag, I need one of those ones that compacts down really small so that I can stash it in the bottom of my pack. I'm also going to go to an art shop and find out what kind of paint I should be using when I paint my PC case.

I'm watching scrubs right now and it is supremely awesome. I love this show like dead children. You should all get on.

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Gee Kirsty, how are you going to be spending your Saturday afternoon? Well Guy, I'm going to pull apart my computer, blow 3 Kilos worth of dust out of it and then put it back together. Gee Kirsty, that sounds swell! It sure does Guy, I'll see you in a few hours and if you're lucky, I might have some photos!

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So the other day I came home from work and there was this horrible noise coming from my PC so I poked all the fans and determined that it was the one on my video card causing it. Time to get a new one. I ordered one on Tuesday night and it arrived yesterday, so last night I had the daunting task of attaching this new beast to my lovely video card.

Problem #1: Getting the original pins out. I had to squish them through the holes. I found this out after some minutes of pulling with pliers.

Problem #2: No acetone. I needed some to remove the old crud from the video CPU ... I used nail polish remover, it worked ok, but it didn't get it as clean as I would have liked.

Problem # 3: Attaching the heat sinc. Now for people with the normal version of my video card, this wouldn't present a problem. How ever, mine has a large block which is the TV-in part of the card. This was in the way of the fins, so I had to bend a couple of them out of the way to make it fit. I don't think it will present a problem. Nothing was on fire when I left this morning.

So hopefully I shouldn't have any more noisy issues. Next on the handyman list: creating a system whereby I can easily swap my xbox hard drives. I have a drive caddy, but I need two drawers and I'm going to have to cut into my xbox case ... bit scared about that, but I can always get a new case ... I think. After that I might actually finish the case mod that I started here :

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I ordered myself an Ipod this morning. A 30 GB model ... in black. I ordered it directly from the apple website so that I could get it engraved. What is it going to say? "All your music are belong to us"

Ok guys, time for the funny searches from last month. I know, it's a bit late, being as it's almost the middle of february. Better late than never though.

naked boys that are between the ages of 10 and 90 (that's a fairly broad scope)
naked pictures of girls between the ages of 15 to 18 (more specific, but wrong!)
carlys cunt (you're about 8 months too late, equus was in may last year)
chuck norris is a badass (yes, yes he is)
time travel theory or posibility (a like mind!!! Please return!!!)
huge tits
small tits (make up your mind!)
sandra sully topless (try a barbie doll, she's one of those people who dont have gentials ... or nipples)
i just don t look good naked anymore (I don't need to hear about it)

So there you have it kids, the funny searches from January. Also, death to Valentines Day!

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YAY!!! I'm going to melbourne over the Easter long weekend with Vicki and Aaron (Who I've met once? twice?). Anyway, we're staying with the circus and going to see Dylan Moran's show as part of the comedy festival ... it's going to fucking ROCK!!! I love Dylan. For those not in the know he's the writer and star of Black Books. I think it's mostly because of him that I've been able to plough through and finish my scripts ... well first drafts. I've handed the pilot and the first episode to Adam to read and hopefully he'll get back to me with notes some time soon. Providing it doesn't bore him to death. So anyway, we're flying over on Friday 14 and back on Sunday 16 so that I'm back in Adelaide for my birthday. I'm gonna be 20!!! I'm old as.

Now seeing as my birthday is on the way, I think it's time that we started gearing up. My birthday, being the event that it is will require much preparation, so you must all begin at once. Rack those brains for gift ideas and start saving to take me out and get me drunk.

You have your instructions, now go forth!

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Thankyou Ms Fits:

MedusA said...

I think I'm funny, does that mean I'm not?

Other people tell me I'm funny, does that mean they think I'm fat?

I can spell good, does that mean I can call myself a writer?

PS. This is a shameless ploy for attention, is that wrong?

1. Not at all. Conan O'Brien thinks he's funny and he is.

2. The fact that you even say this means you are - legitimately - funny. Whether people think you're fat or not is another matter altogether.

You could possibly be both, you know.

3. Why not, everyone else does.

4. No. It is WONDERFUL. I think you are a peach.

Wow, the Big Day Out ROCKED!!!! I am not in a fair bit of pain, I got sunburned, as one does at these things. I was also kicked in the head and punched in the back a few times. I won a 5 foot inflateable phone which I will probably either take to the beach, or sell on ebay. It was such a pain in the ass to carry around. I bought a stubby holder and a hat (after I'd already been burned) which I wore in the mosh pit and almost lost. I ended up waving it around and using it to wipe away my sweat.

The living end mosh pit was INSANE!!! Out of the last 5 bands it was the biggest. White Stripes had a smaller one and I was too far back to really mosh in Franz Ferdinand. Iggy .... well what can you say about iggy? He's like an orangutan with ADD. Magic Dirt were awesome also and I enjoyed Sarah Blasko. End of Fashion provided us with a nice sound track to our dinner and Faker and Gerling were a nice way to start the day. I LOVED the White Stripes, I couldn only sing along to a few of their songs, but they were all so different and GREAT!!! They used so many different instruments, it was amazing!

My legs ache from the sunburn, I can only sit hunched without experiencing massing bolts of pain down my back and my face looks like a swolen tomato. I couldn't be happier. Pictures later.

Well kids, here we are in the shortest month of the year. You may have noticed that the purple nav bar at the top has changed slightly. It now says art instead of comic. There's really no point joking myself about it, I need to spend more time developing my drawing skills before I even think about trying to get this thing to work. So the art page has about 12 of my pieces from last year, I'm thinking about posting more photos there, but we'll see how that goes. Let me know what you think of the navigation system from within the art pages. Also I know if you're on Internet Explorer, the 100 things roll over doesn't work ... well that's what you get for using Microsoft. Get Firefox, it's superior in every way.

Also, the two links on the end of the nav bar now work. I have a links page now, so go and check that out and as usual, if you have any suggestions, I'm happy to hear them.

Anywho, I will post the search phrases later, possibly tomorrow, but definately not on Friday. I'll be at the big day out! If you recognise me, come say hello.

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