March 3, 2008 12:31 AM
So I've finally found he kind of irony that's not funny ...
I was having a discussion with someone about the things I hate, children, ill fitting shoes, people who wear mini skirts when it's freezing and spiders. It was getting a bit hot, so I stand up to get some different pants on and I look over to my window and there's a mother fucking spider there. Spiders are what I hate THE most they're so much worse than anything.
I looked at the clock, shit, 12:10, no one else is up. I'm gonna have to do this myself aren't I? FUCK!
First things first, close the window, shit I hope it's on the outside and not just on the outside of the inside. If I do it nice and slowly, it shouldn't move ... slowly ... FUCK IT'S MOVING. I dunno if that's a huntsman ... I'll just keep pretending it is. Fuck slowly ... *SLAM*, okay, now the blind, slowly, slowly .. oh, it didn't seem to notice that.
Now to the armory!! Dad usually uses a broom, so I'll try a broom too, the rubber one, that one's not used for sweeping, it just seems to do nothing.
Okay, lights on, out the front, all I have to do it hit it, but not too hard, I don't want to hit the window .... *BANG* missed! .... *BANG* SHIT! *BANG* FUCK!! Now I can't see it, I think it went up. Fuck this, I'm getting the fly spray.
So there I am, spraying the fuck out of the spot where I think the spider is, I'm really not sure, because I can't actually see it, so I spray the whole window area just to be sure. Given that I don't know where the spider is, there's no way I'm going to be able to sleep, so I decide to sit up and keep watching the dvd I'm halfway through and then sleep in the lounge room.
Oh, wait, I'm still hot, I'll change my pants now ... OH MY FUCKING GOD IT'S BACK!! Back to the armory to get the broom, the fly spray and the torch. Given that I appear to be an uncoordinated gimp, I'll take a different approach this time. I'll drown it in fly spray and then squish it.
*PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH* The spider is now white and stumbling about like a weirdo. *PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH* .... *PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH* .... *PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH* and now wait for it to drop down to the sill ... *BANG* GOTCHA!!!!!!!!!! Fuck yeah! Now I'll be able to go to sleep.
So there you have it a demonstration of unfunny irony. I'm still wearing the pants that are making me hot and I spent 20 minutes killing a spider.